I think im far too much of a dependent person. You know how some people are so dependent on others romantically that they become clingy and 'desperate' I think I'm like that. Not romantically, I don't have a love life...
I have friends. Normal ones. I feel the same way about them, I think I invest a lot of time and energy into friends I value, that's why it's destructive, I think I expect too much. Isn't that natural though? To give and expect? It's funny isn't it? When we think of human nature, so flawed, so weak. I get upset over things like my friends not asking after me, or even messaging to know if I'm still alive, but then we have God who gives but even when we don't pray to him (as an example) he stills helps us, still loves us, still blesses us.
Even as Muslims we don't expect God to give more and more just because we are obedient, there is no expectance of God to provide us with ultimate riches, good looks, spouses etc. Because our relationship with God is higher than that, better than that. I suppose if my friendships are less superficial, it wouldn't be like that. I will think this person doesn't care etc. But even then, I think I'm very flawed in the sense that I fall deeply for everyone. In my friendships, in love , in life. I'm just a disaster waiting to happen.
I will try change that. Work in progress I guess.