First Eid

It's the first Eid I havent in a long time been to Eid prayer at the mosque, this time I prayed it at home.

It's also the first time I went to the cemetery on Eid. I went to visit my Dad. It's weird seeing a slab stone with his name- what's funny is we couldn't find it and we found another stone with his name but the age was wrong and the date of his death, it's funny how two people can die with the same names and different times and mean so much to different people. It's funny how I stared at the stone trying to make more of my Dad than just words written down, than just letters that make up his name, and numbers that make up his age, and everything and nothing that makes up the memory of him.

It seems like the memory of him is a distant memory eventhough it was last year he was alive. Why does it feel like he didn't really exist? Why does it feel like he vanished? It was last year he wanted to talk to me, it was last year I was doing nursing, it was last year I had a breakdown. So many lasts but so many firsts this year.

It's been 6 months and25 days since he died. And in three days it'll be 7months.

7 whole months. And yet it feels so normal like nothing has happened. I feel like an Eid well spent is an Eid that you have wondered upon, where you remember or where you appreciate. I appreciate you Dad. And I love you.