Skip to main content

First Eid

It's the first Eid I havent in a long time been to Eid prayer at the mosque, this time I prayed it at home.

It's also the first time I went to the cemetery on Eid. I went to visit my Dad. It's weird seeing a slab stone with his name- what's funny is we couldn't find it and we found another stone with his name but the age was wrong and the date of his death, it's funny how two people can die with the same names and different times and mean so much to different people. It's funny how I stared at the stone trying to make more of my Dad than just words written down, than just letters that make up his name, and numbers that make up his age, and everything and nothing that makes up the memory of him.

It seems like the memory of him is a distant memory eventhough it was last year he was alive. Why does it feel like he didn't really exist? Why does it feel like he vanished? It was last year he wanted to talk to me, it was last year I was doing nursing, it was last year I had a breakdown. So many lasts but so many firsts this year.

It's been 6 months and25 days since he died. And in three days it'll be 7months.

7 whole months. And yet it feels so normal like nothing has happened. I feel like an Eid well spent is an Eid that you have wondered upon, where you remember or where you appreciate. I appreciate you Dad. And I love you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Solace

I'm tellin  you , it's this world it does funny things t you , messes with yo head. And that's why you gotta find solace. Solace in God, fool!  Don't be talking about no stay gram or cult. God is thee only one that gone help you out of your mess!  Don't be kiddin' yoself thinkin' 'ahh Joseph gone come round' and help me outta' this rut' naw damn well he aint! only God gone be there when life gets drawn out thin, you think Joseph gone be there when you die, fool? Don't be living and dyin by yo friends, Listen to yo old grandpa, when he say I been living for a long time na, and I learnt the world makes you think funny old things, things you would never think before , things like I ain't pretty no more or that girl is betterr than me. Or my frend is my worl'. Things no sane person would think! You hear? Even Things like the colour of my skinn determines my worth naw you see? This world it messes you UP. It gets inside yo skin and dig...

My, My, My Mannequin in The Sky

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh, I find that we are all placed in a pickle at some point in our lives, perhaps we are the one placing other's in pickles. I don't know, let's see what we can do about this pickle fiesta, shall we? What I mean by being in a pickle, is often there are situations, whether it be arguments, opinions, debates etc. There's always questions being asked, expectations being set. Sisters, we shouldn't feel obliged to change our thoughts to meet others expectations. For example if someone asks you what do you think of so and so, and you bearing in mind it is haram to backbite refrain from commenting or say she is alright, makes the person aggravated which leads the person to  further question your opinion on them, it obvious to conclude that they want an agreeable opinion that puts them in the favourable light. This is in a sense peer pressure, but no sisters I urge you to stand strong in your opinions, who is that person to make...

Humility

Being humble is hard, im giving it to you real. Sometimes it's just SO easy to think hey I have this and this and they don't have that. And hey I'm good at this and they ain't- and for girls, all you girls out there ;)- it's hey I'm prettier than her...... Sometimes you literally need to take a step back and slap yourself mentally. Like one big mental slap. You need to tell yourself, you need to shut ya ugly mouth, you ain't better than no one. Obviously sometimes Shaytan is always whispering as he does, like seriously get a life shay?  But sometimes it's a part of our own self obsession and my sister was actually talking about how society has made us so self obsessed and I do think it's true we are all so in love with ourselves. You see on Instagram those beautiful (mashaAllah ) girls constantly taking selfies , which I'm not dissing, because personally I hate it when other people diss girls who takes selfies or do duck faces; you should underst...