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Showing posts from October, 2017

Thank you

Yes I know. Do I ever talk about anything beside running? And yes I do but as a runner (if I can call myself that) I just find I like to talk about running aswell. JheezeLouise someone shut her up... Anyhow today when I went running I exchanged glances with a fellow runner and she had a huge smile on her face, I smiled back and in that moment we shared, we had an understanding: a connection of some sort. We knew it was tough, we knew we we had been working on this, but we weren't gonna give up and we smiled because we wanted to push each other we smiled because we knew the struggle we smiled because for God sake, we are both runners trying to run towards the light in our lives.... And if that's a whole load of crap, we just smiled because we are good natured people. But I prefer the crap.So that's all folks, that's what I was happy about today, it was small but it made me wanna join local park runs, she made me feel more like a runner, it was just once smile. Thank you…

Don't delete

Apologies IV this post is a favourite of mine and I wanted HH to be a part of it. IV is my other blog (infinitevestige.blogspot.co.uk) for those you unaware and the following post was on there first, see IV has always had second treatment in IVs eyes but I can assure you readers now that's not true! Anyhow IV suck it up (go read my apology on IV then!) and HH here you go:This is a mantra I've been saying to myself to keep going or to keep things around. I've always been the kind of person to think-eh that's not great or I'm not that good so I'll just delete it. But then I realised so what if it's not great, it's still an accomplishment to write it or to make it, there's no expectation to be better than someone else. Who's to say it isn't great even? I suppose I just realised it's an accomplishment to keep something in your life; to come to the point where deleting isn't an option but facing up to things is. That's why I've be…

In sickness and in health

So the other day I came across an app called Cast box if you have iPhone you probably already have podcasts which are essentially the same thing. There's so many channels you can subscribe to from poetry readings to health talks there's so much to explore. I listened to a podcast from poetry off the shelf by the The Poetry Foundationthe episode was titled from sickness into poetry and there was an author there her name was Meghan O'Rourke, she spoke of her poetry titled Sun in Days. The poems were about life and existence but she took quite an original angle, I personally have never heard of Meghan O'Rourke but this podcast has made very interested in her work, a few of the poems she read out were about the continuity of life and her feeling unlike herself when she fell sick; she was diagnosed with lyme disease but for a long time was undiagnosed and was unaware of its effects on her, (she has now been treated and currently is doing alot better) , she wrote a 22part p…

Running on drugs

I know it happens to all of us at some point; we get into a sort of funk that's hard to get out of. Sometimes in these kinda funks it's hard to want anything or do anything a while ago I read colourless tsukuru tazaki and in this book the character was essentially numb to living, he didn't want to live but simply continued, he kept up with his habits like laundry, swimming, cooking not because he wanted to or enjoyed it but because he knew he had to continue. Nowadays I can understand that in addition to a firm belief that whatever is now is not forever and to continue will only help me reach that 'better state of mind', however something surprised me. Usually in this sort of lack of lustre for life I have little to no enjoyment in most things but running seems to be strong despite this. Today I wanted to run, I had no reason I just enjoy it. And I'm damn glad I have something I want to do because slowly slowly I enjoy things less sometimes reading is even a ch…

Bookin'dot yeah

Hey you know what I realised? If there's something you wanna do, something you might be interested in but you're not quite sure where to start or maybe it's all quite overwhelming to even start it, try reading about it! Now hang on, let me finish.
I've always loved running but I stopped a few years ago then I read Haruki Murakami's what I talk about when I talk about running- as soon as I read the blurb it ignited my previous passion for running. Don't get me wrong I didn't start running immediately, it was a few months after I got into it then I stopped but I eventually returned and I can honestly say it was that book+ my passion. I just felt so inspired by it and deep down I knew I was a runner that needed to run eventually. But in between I guess I just liked reading sports memoirs because I found them interesting to learn about but it definitely helped me somewhere in my subconscious to push myself aswell! I'm doing that with writing too, I'v…

im scared

i feel kind of scared.
thats why i keep running.
i keep leaving everywhere i settle down
i dont want to be scared
but its ingrained within me
somewhere in my mind
when it seems like i might not be able to stay
when it seems like i cant 
i know i should run
and i listen
because i cant
keep continuing
yes im running with the doubt
i just believe it so easily
i keep falling for its lies
and i just leave easily
like i was never there
i dont want to carry it anymore
i dont want to be the burden
you're not

it's me 
the perpetual dissappointment
im sure it would be nice to talk about me to others
and say im doing something great with my life
 only im not
so theres not much to say about me and the only thing you can say is
im unemployed
suddenly all other things about me fly away
and theyve flown far up into the sky its so distant 
what a weird situation
no one cares about the other stuff
i didnt either

its great isnt it
to feel better than others
to feel greater
superior
makes you feel high up on the clouds
makes you fe…

i forgot i loved you

I think I forgot what I used to love in the midst of all the confusion to who I am. In a world where so many expectations and pressures are thrown towards us is it anyone wonder we all are scared to think differently?I'm not an exception-I'm afraid to be different too. Sometimes I'm a bit of an impostor
I want to be this unconventional different kind of a girl and I end up being more conformed than I wanted.I..Well I'm a bit afraid to talk about what I really believe in because sometimes I have to check myself to see if that's what I really believe in and it's not something I say to make excuses for myself,no i mustn't be too hard on myselfI've had enough of it for now
I think my mental health may play a part in stopping me from doing things I want to but it's okay because me MH have agreed on a few things and although I'm not expecting any roses on valentines day, its better to be friends with my enemy than against it. So like I already said on I…