Over the past few days I've been wracked with worry- and it's not my usual worrying it's intense overthinking to the point where I'd get headaches, but at the same time I've also been coming closer to God which puts me in a dilemma. How can I worry so much about the future when I should have tawaqul in Allah that whatever happens is in his control, so long as I strive and do my best I ultimately have to leave the rest to him because if I don't then how can I truly say I'm a believer when I don't believe in my Lord and I don't rely on Him?
I've found its so easy to put into practise accepting fate when you don't actuay have that much hardship to accept, not only that it's easy to accept when you don't have ongoing overriding issues within yourself and career, I mean I'm not disregarding the fact that it could be hard , but personally for myself when I was younger I found it easier to accept but now I find it much harder because of my current situation, this is natural as my experience of life has changed and what once was a test for me then may no longer be and what wasn't a test for me then may be now, in any case I feel as though the struggle has become harder and I thank Allah for that, I thank Allah for allowing me to be able to call upon Him and ask for his help to draw me closer to Him.
It's hard, whatever situation you're in its hard to accept whatever lies in your future it's hard to not want a certain future, it's certainly hard when you've pinned everything to it, but maybe that's the problem, pinning everything to this dream. It's not going to solve your problems perhaps the reason why you're wanting this dream is more to do with a different reason than you think.
Let's take for example you want to marry this guy and you know he's a great brother mashaAllah and his family and yada yada is totes amazing so it's like wow I finally found this amazing brother so you're praying everything will go alright praying so hard that you want the outcome to BE that you marry him, and in that case you aren't really accepting any other alternative you aren't accepting what fate lies ahead of you, so say you don't marry him, you become wrecked with sorrow, all because you didn't pray for the right thing you prayed to marry him not to accept whatever your fate is.
Maybe you're hoping that marrying him will make you a better person, help you grow, help you mature?? These things are not reasons for marrying him, (this is an example ) this what I mean, your intention to marry him is 1) is to solve another problem 2) is the sole focus of your prayer 'and not neutral' 3) is not for the sake of Allah
If you understand what I'm getting at , sometimes we want things for other reasons, reasons that need individual attention and not be sidetracked with other 'solutions'.
Let me give you another example,
You intend after marriage to adorn the hijab and abaya because that is what a wife is meant to do you also believe it will help you be less lonely.
Now as my usual readers I expect you all to be able to point out the mistakes in this thinking by yourself, and if you can't or you have this mentality, fear not! For I am here, the problem is this sis or bro is linking Islamic actions with marriage they are therefore not understanding the Islamic reasoning or instilling tawaqul or fear of Allah, this means the action of hijab is related to the husband so if he decides one day I don't want you to wear hijab you look better without it you would naturally not wear it right? Because the only reason you did it was because of your husband? As well as the fact that you yourself have no love for the hijab it's for your husband. Therefore you are not listening to God but your husband...
I know listening to your husband earns reward but you get what I mean right?
As for being lonely, it's important to develop a relationship with God I honestly believe marriage is something that should not be rushed or undertaken to cure loneliness because loneliness cannot be cured by another human being (in my opinion) I believe loneliness will only dissappear when you have a strong connection with God.
I also believe that marriage should be undertaken when both people are accepting of themselves and fully understand who they are aswell as being strong and confident in themselves, you shouldn't marry someone so they can fill your insecurities, so they can make you feel good (obviously compliments are expected but when you feel ugly about yourself the only thing you'd expect from a partner is this or a lot of the time and if they stop this, this would cause problems)
(I'm saying this more to myself )
You should also, if you are neurotic and a over thinker like me, should avoid thinking about it too much, talking lengthily about it and allowing yourself to think about the worst outcomes.
You should try to be as neutral as you can, I laugh at how easy this sounds because I can vouch it's not easy, but it's important to remind yourself that a believer must think this way, they must accept divine decree, that is not to say you should not try to get whatever it is that you want, please do try but after trying leave the rest to Him.
Try reading anxiety Duas and also try to read Quran.
This is an article I read that really helped me being a worry wart that I am so I would recommend it!!