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Capturing my heart

I've been watching 13 reasons why on Netflix. It's been an interesting journey of suicidal thoughts and the teenage angst in high school. I feel enlightened to a certain degree (bearing in mind it is for entertainment) I feel like the message Hannah passes on to Clay is very similar to the one Virginia Woolf wrote to her husband before she committed suicide. I can't help but feel there's so much tragic beauty to these notes, so much beautiful poetry. I've always said there's so much beauty to sadness. 

      But you need to be here if I’m going to tell           my story. If I’m going to explain why I did what I did. Because you aren’t every other guy — you’re different. You’re good. And kind. And decent. And I didn’t deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. I would’ve ruined you. It was me and everything that’s happened to me."

(13 reasons why: Hannah's message to Clay )

       Dearest,

       You have given me the greatest possible            happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer.

I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do

I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.

(Virginia Woolf's Suicide letter)

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