Since I was about 18 I've had a longing to get married. To complete 'half my deen', to be appreciated and admired. Along with idealistic expectations of love I thought marriage was so wonderful. As I grew up I focused more on the messes I created in my life, but now at 20 the topic of marriage has arisen once again, my mum tells me in three or four years time we can start looking for a husband.
And at first I was open to it, I didn't mind, shamefully I still had unrealistic expectations of marriage. But then I took a good look at those around me who had been married, men around me. And I realised for me, marriage was not the best thing.
You already know it's a been a year since I've been coping with my anxiety and I can proudly say I'm doing well, but I don't want to just do well I want to be great. I want to be a confident young woman who achieves things, who makes a difference, and marriage can't help me with that im afraid.
I have a desire to volunteer abroad to study abroad to experience life's challenges! I want to live independently, I don't want to be confined by my culture or by a man. I don't want a man to tell me I can't do this I can't do that, because I honestly don't need that, I need can in my life, I need keep going.
I need to be happy with myself, and I am but I have so much more to do. What I've realised is men are usually very happy to control and excercise power over women but don't like it when it's about them. I'm sorry but I don't need that in my life- I don't need someone dictating my every move. I don't need to constantly attend to his needs.
I'm not about the life where I am his housemaid, don't get me wrong I love being a homemaker just not with a husband involved. I hate the idea of stereotypical roles- women should empower themselves! Work on yourself, it's the greatest investment, investing time into another person is risky- there's a risk they can leave you.
There's a piece that mary woolenstonecraft wrote about women involving marriage titled a vindication the rights of women and it's superb! It basically talks at length about women's right in society- poltically, morally, socially and so on. She hits the nail on the head what is funny is even in 21st century society in the Asian community among many Muslim girls we still see the end goal of our lives as marriage. We are building our lives up to that point, but why sisters? Marriage is not do or die. We have so much more in our lives!
I'm not saying don't ever get married (how wonderful it'd be though!) but be realistic please. Be pragmatic look for things like financial stability and family - and don't always bend over backwards sacrificing thinking its in the name of religion. Having standards does not mean you are arrogant. Don't be so flimsy women!
Just read my mate Mary's piece she is the fo shizzle.
How much more respectable is the woman who earns her own bread by fulfilling any duty, than the most accomplished beauty!—beauty did I say!—so sensible am I of the beauty of moral loveliness, or the harmonious propriety that attunes the passions of a well-regulated mind, that I blush at making the comparison; yet I sigh to think how few women aim at attaining this respectability by withdrawing from the giddy whirl of pleasure, or the indolent calm that stupefies the good sort of women it sucks in.
If you are confused by her style of writing as she was an 18th century writer I'll make it a bit clearer. She's simply saying women should make something more of themselves rather than relying on their beauty and give themselves greater importance- if you want a more relevant reference take Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman (I know she was a hooker) she decides at the end she wants to make something more of herself and educate herself! Or even Gilmore Girls when Rory decides that she doesn't want the guy (forgot his name) but instead wants to travel as part of her journalist thing.
This is only a small part of her vindication I'll post the link where you can find it. I know she's a feminist and activist and although I can't be a feminist really as I'm a Muslim, I still have strong tendencies towards it. It makes so much sense!
As girls we should empower ourselves and work on ourselves rather than simply get married (as if that's helps anything!) and even if we do get married eventually we should be realistic and pragmatic and not be swept by our emotions.
Just to let you know her book is really long but read what you can, I think I might purchase the book actually. Anyway I wanted to leave you with another quote from the book.
To persuade women to endeavour to acquire strength, both of mind and body, and to convince them that the soft phrases, susceptibility of heart, delicacy of sentiment, and refinement of taste, are almost synonimous [sic] with epithets of weaknes