Sunday, 16 August 2015

Coming back from sin

I don't really know what to say after writing such a personal post. Well it may not seem so personal to you as a reader but for me I've always been hesitant about talking about social anxiety. Anyhow I find that because of my somewhat neurotic personality (even though I do not seem it) i can often pinpoint solutions to problems I have, for instance how to recover from long periods of distance from religion, and yes I know how many times have I posted about this? Well a lot mainly because I'm suffering from it so I feel I can only talk about what I experience. But there has been some progress in my quest to change the direction of my journey.

In my journey in life, up until recently I had felt very distant in my religion, more distant than I have ever felt and I think that's why it's important to make this post. I'm sure many of been through this and not gotten through it, but Alhamdulilah I have and I pray everyone of you who goes through hard times does too. When I talk of hard times, I talk of the roughest journey in the harshest of weathers with minimal clothing or shelter to protect you, metaphors aside, if it gets hard I hope these steps can help.

I actually didn't know any steps per se when I used to talk in my previous posts I just wanted to discuss it, but now I feel like I do.

- when you are at the worst, the lowest soft and gentle words do not change a resilient mindset. You need harshness. Meaning scare yourself with death, there's a reason why we are reminded of death. Go visit a graveyard. Watch a lecture on death. Heck for me, however trivial it sounds I was watching a horror movie and I realised I was so scared, then I realised if I am this scared of a horror movie how can I not fear my death? If I were to die what peril would await me? Far more scary than a tv screen.
- sometimes you feel numb. Almost oblivious to the state you are in, when you are questioned about whether you want to fall into sin or not, it's almost as if you are dead soul living. That is what happens t souls that live in the way of the Dunya. You may not realise it, but you have become numb, oblivious. Sometimes someone giving you advise does not work. Sometimes nothing works. But for me I found recalling the good feeling of practising my religion, comparing it to the feeling of slacking.
- often you may find that you may not even want to change, but it may be more to d with all the distractions in your life. Do you have ipad, a phone, go out too much, engage in haram activities frequently? If so, you need to cut it. All of it. That is not to say you can't go on your iPad or phone, but you need to think, could I live without it? You should not be constantly obsessed with it, otherwise you're time is spent on the dunya and none on islam.
- you should make sure you hold no addiction to anything dunya related. I.e anything that is not beneficial in islam. This is because everything else becomes second to the addiction. For example i used to be obsessed with Korean dramas and it made me less mindful in my prayers because I was more concerned (astagfirullah) with watching the dramas, I would be less helpful because all I wanted to do was watch dramas. Pathetic right? Exactly.
- you need to make sure , in your life, that prayer is the only thing you have time for. I.e you have nothing else you need to do. The most important thing in your life is your prayer. That way your prayer would be the highest standard.

These things I feel continue the distance, all the addictions and distractions just plunge you further away, you also need to want to change obviously aswell as surrounding yourself with good company. People who make you want to do good. And even people (even if they don't know) make you feel ashamed about how you behave or lack in, this may seem bad, but it's actually good because it makes you questiom your actions and makes you want to do better.

Well obviously I'm not perfect, but these help me, everyone is different so it may not help everyone. But inshaAllah what ever works, I pray we all find out way to the straight path and remain steadfast in the deen.


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