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im scared

i feel kind of scared.
thats why i keep running.
i keep leaving everywhere i settle down
i dont want to be scared
but its ingrained within me
somewhere in my mind
when it seems like i might not be able to stay
when it seems like i cant 
i know i should run
and i listen
because i cant
keep continuing
yes im running with the doubt
i just believe it so easily
i keep falling for its lies
and i just leave easily
like i was never there
i dont want to carry it anymore
i dont want to be the burden
you're not

 it's me 
the perpetual dissappointment
im sure it would be nice to talk about me to others
and say im doing something great with my life
 only im not
so theres not much to say about me and the only thing you can say is
im unemployed
suddenly all other things about me fly away
and theyve flown far up into the sky its so distant 
what a weird situation
no one cares about the other stuff
i didnt either

 its great isnt it
to feel better than others
to feel greater
superior
makes you feel high up on the clouds
makes you feel like youre doing so well
i get it

 how could you?

 its good to change
what a hypocritical thing to say

 anyway im sorry for not being able to make you proud to be related to me
im sorry im not normal
im sorry for not being more loving
im sorry for not being like others
doing good things
doing things that arent weird
im sorry for not fitting in
i guess im just sorry for being me. 

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