Braining

One minute you're thinking you're gonna spend the rest of your life with this person. Planning little things, imagining how this will be how that'll be. And suddenly in the blink of an eye- they're gone. Wiped from your memory almost. Like they never existed. It's hard to even grasp their physical presence. It's hard to even imagine that they were a part of your life. It's weird isn't it? How absence can grow mold on memories how it can wither away, how the brain can just try to forget (because you told it to) and all those feelings and emotions once so passionate, and do or die, are now floating in the back of your mind, how funny is it, that something so serious to us can become so insignificant to us so instantaneously? (For some)

The thing I keep really thinking is- what does it all really mean? Does it mean that it meant nothing? Was it all superficial feelings with no substance? Or is it the brain's desperate attempt at denial? A form of protection to our fragile heart?  If it did mean nothing what are feelings then? Do they mean nothing? Are they just for the time being, the live-in-the-moments?

I guess I have no clue. But I'd like to think my feelings aren't as silly and schoolgirl/boy like as they appear to be, that deep down my head is deciding that in order to cope in order to move forward in order to accept a decision that the other CHOSE we (my head and my heart) must go on, with or without them, because survival isn't an option, it's coercion, and therefore my brain is purposefully choosing to erase and choosing to shut down. Which I can't fault my brain on that, it's only doing what it knows best. So you keep going brain, you do what you know. And I'll do what I know and together we can help my heart overcome this.