Skip to main content

23% complete


I think im far too much of a dependent person. You know how some people are so dependent on others romantically that they become clingy and 'desperate' I think I'm like that. Not romantically, I don't have a love life...

I have friends. Normal ones. I feel the same way about them, I think I invest a lot of time and energy into friends I value, that's why it's destructive, I think I expect too much. Isn't that natural though? To give and expect? It's funny isn't it? When we think of human nature, so flawed, so weak. I get upset over things like my friends not asking after me, or even messaging to know if I'm still alive, but then we have God who gives but even when we don't pray to him (as an example) he stills helps us, still loves us, still blesses us.

Even as Muslims we don't expect God to give more and more just because we are obedient, there is no expectance of God to provide us with ultimate riches, good looks, spouses etc. Because our relationship with God is higher than that, better than that. I suppose if my friendships are less superficial, it wouldn't be like that. I will think this person doesn't care etc. But even then, I think I'm very flawed in the sense that I fall deeply for everyone. In my friendships, in love , in life. I'm just a disaster waiting to happen.

I will try change that. Work in progress I guess.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Humility

Being humble is hard, im giving it to you real. Sometimes it's just SO easy to think hey I have this and this and they don't have that. And hey I'm good at this and they ain't- and for girls, all you girls out there ;)- it's hey I'm prettier than her...... Sometimes you literally need to take a step back and slap yourself mentally. Like one big mental slap. You need to tell yourself, you need to shut ya ugly mouth, you ain't better than no one. Obviously sometimes Shaytan is always whispering as he does, like seriously get a life shay?  But sometimes it's a part of our own self obsession and my sister was actually talking about how society has made us so self obsessed and I do think it's true we are all so in love with ourselves. You see on Instagram those beautiful (mashaAllah ) girls constantly taking selfies , which I'm not dissing, because personally I hate it when other people diss girls who takes selfies or do duck faces; you should underst...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sounds of silence

I was able to listen to someone's story of dealing with trauma. Someone who had lived through trauma. They didn't appear to have mental health issues infact they looked so sane so complete. So whole. But that was it, wasn't it? The icing on the cake noone has a set way of appearing or not appearing, they just are. They are not defined by their images, or personality, there's no need to be boxed in by typical patients just see people for who they are. Which are people. For a long time they struggled until there was a time where they felt heard. They had been mute for some time but one day a nurse came along and sat with them, just sitting no intention of speaking, just close enough to be comforting. This one gesture was so comforting it envoked a burst of tears. They said this was enough for them. The ordeal they had been through was so overwhelming it was hard to feel heard. What better way of being heard and understood but by being silent? Now I can't imagine th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Addicting additives

An addiction... It's so weird to think of addictions for me I always think of drug addicts or smokers but it can be anything from chocolate to makeup.  We all have addictions at some point. One time I was addicted to reading, all I would do is read. Literally when I woke up I would read- from fantasy to adventure. I loved reading then I had another addiction it was playing games. Again every day I played games on the laptop or TV (back when people played sky games) and then when I was in college I was addicted to studying I loved studying so I'd be studying all the time. Now I've come to a point where shopping is an addiction I mean I have had a shopping phase during college too but now that I don't have studying to distract me I suppose I'm consumed by materialism. I know it's not good I buy unnecessary clothing, coats, shoes and somehow I expect it to make me feel better but it doesn't. I've also started buying make up different colour lipsticks, you...
Post a Comment
Read more