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Cross roads

Its a sad truth that I have to face and that is I have jitters from coffee. I think the reason is because I had super strong coffee in a small mug with a tiny amount of milk. This jittery feeling has reminded me of another sad reality.

The sad reality is that there are times in my life when I feel ashamed or dismissive about Islam. I feel like there are times when i dont want to be reminded about Islam. I do desire to be peaceful in my religion, but right now i feel like i am not worthy because of how neglectful i am. Because of all the dismissive thoughts i have. How i feel like Islam makes everything serious and i long for a carefree life with my delusions in a fantasy world with wizards and werewolves.

These jitters make me feel even worse. Its like a drug you know if you have too much strong coffee.

Im sorry. I dont know who to. To God, to myself. I dont know whats going on. I just know I am in between cross roads. Crossroads with myself, with my thoughts. I am sorry.

Its this darn coffee. Actually who am i kidding. Its me. Eternally conflicated.

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