Hijabi Hayah

I'm not the best writer but maybe if I put more effort into it id be a bit better. I tutor in English so I should really have better grammar but who cares. Anyway I wanted to share some advice for Ramadan. In Ramadan I usually feel very sluggish and tired which means I do very little. But recently I've been doing a lot and being a hell of a lot more productive. I try to wake early and do some cleaning, do a bit of theory revision and studying for nursing (I rarely do this I always feel like an hour or two of work a day is me done for the day)   Then I'll cook. The day goes by fast like that if I'm not cooking I got out to the library or park or just anywhere really.  I feel like when we do things with our days instead of making ourselves feel like we deserve to sit around because we are fasting, our day feels better lived and more fulfilling. I've been doing this anyway but I've found in Ramadan it's helpful too.  Wasalaam 

Now I'm probably one of the worst people to give advice about confidence because up until recently I had like zero self confidence. But that has been changing. Doing these things that I'm going to mention below has really helped me develop more confidence. People who just want a bit more confidence can also benefit I hope. First: get rid of your negative thoughts, don't allow yourself to wonder about how people will react and so on. Second: don't think before you act! Confident people usually just do it they don't think. (Very similar to first one but it's not really negative thoughts it's just thinking in general) and don't think about it after either!  Third: coax yourself out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Don't like sitting in crowded places? Do it! Don't like running by yourself? Do it! Fourth: relax!! Just relax! Take a breather and calm down. Whenever you feel nervous or anxious. We are all just people at the end of the day. All...

So in recent months I've been a lot happier, for my fellow anxiety readers, I feel as though it's so much easier to feel down, as it is our own negative reasoning that makes us feel inadequate. It tells us we can't do this and we can't do that- fear driven by our worst enemy, ourselves. However I have discovered things that have helped me and may help you too, and may help those who just need a bit more happiness in their lives. I've started giving myself routine- so I wake up early and do things like brush my hair( then try to do a hairstyle although my hair is quite short)  make my bed, pray (if need be) and have breakfast. I always try to also have two glasses of water before every meal to help me eat less and get more water.  I try and make a different breakfast every day that's relatively healthy. So one day I might have porridge and toast along with fruit. Another day I might have tuna sandwiches and pancakes (I eat weird combinations) it makes it more fun...

Since I was about 18 I've had a longing to get married. To complete 'half my deen', to be appreciated and admired. Along with idealistic expectations of love I thought marriage was so wonderful. As I grew up I focused more on the messes I created in my life, but now at 20 the topic of marriage has arisen once again, my mum tells me in three or four years time we can start looking for a husband.  And at first I was open to it, I didn't mind, shamefully I still had unrealistic expectations of marriage. But then I took a good look at those around me who had been married, men around me. And I realised for me, marriage was not the best thing. You already know it's a been a year since I've been coping with my anxiety and I can proudly say I'm doing well, but I don't want to just do well I want to be great. I want to be a confident young woman who achieves things, who makes a difference, and marriage can't help me with that im afraid.  I have a desire to vo...

For people who are extremely apologetic, anxious, or just soft natured people I just want to say: you're great! We need amazing people like yourselves in this horrid world!  But amazing as you are... Stop being sorry for everything. I was reading a story about a guy who knew a woman who felt like she should be sorry for everything. When anything bad happened at work she said sorry (it wasn't even her fault) when someone hurt themselves she said sorry. And what that did was make her extremely low in her esteem: she blamed herself for everything, naturally it makes a person feel down and change the way they see themselves. So no don't be sorry all the time!  Being sorry all the time makes it hard to stand up for yourself, so if you were in a situation where someone is wronging you ,you wouldn't say anything because you're always sorry.  Just the other day a guy was really impatient and while I was topping my oyster up he said 'the machine is gonna go you know'...

I was watching an informational video about geese today. It talked of how geese fly together; how when one is hurt, two geese stay behind to look after it. And when they are flying the ones behind honk to motivate and encourage the others to keep going.  It's so weird how animals can have more sense than humans. And animals can't reflect or ponder like us, yet they can understand the importance of helping one another. In society it seems like no one wants to help eachother anymore- we all tend to look out for ourselves. It's fine, it's fair I suppose: we don't rely on others and we don't get disappointed. But I think it shouldn't be that we walk on others to get to places or would deny others help if they needed or wanted it from us. 

Letting go isn't easy- sometimes we don't let go but circumstances are such that we are forced to.  I suppose over the past couple of months I realised absence does really help with letting go. Moving on with your life, yeah you still remember sometimes but you just keep going. That's what I feel like I'm doing, I'm just moving. I just have to keep going. Even if I don't want to, even if I'm not ready. After a while you come to a time when you can look back and laugh at how things have changed, how much you've changed.  A lot of the time I feel like I'm in a bubble surrounded by words around me trying to define me and people just zooming past like a scene in a American high school movie where the new kid is walking past tons of students not knowing what's going on.  I suppose when you let go- you feel slightly lost, displaced. (I was just thinking about some stuff, I don't know if I made sense, sorry)