Hijabi Hayah

So I went to a talk the other day and Nouman Ali Khan was there and he talked about humility. I found it interesting as I've always wanted to be someone with humility so I suppose this is about what I learnt from his talk.

Lets take some time to delve into our thoughts, how do thoughts really work? When we think something it appears in our mind and just as soon as it appeared, it can disappear... fascinating isn't it? The ugly grey thing in our heads. Somehow not everyone has the same organisation, I might call it, in our heads. Those with mental health do not anyway. (Yes its that time again) they have a range of thought disorder from abnormal beliefs; delusions, grandiosity etc to disorganised thinking including going off topic and loosening of association this means they are more likely to talk about unrelated topics (or it may appear unrelated to you, but in their head it may have a connection) they are more likely to discuss things that are unrealistic (or it may appear to you) but what I find is when we look at it, we aren't really all that different. We just call it different things.

My opinion of the film, 'split'. I suppose because I study mental health I'm overly critical I apologise if you're not in the mood for a critical response. I just want everyone to love people like I do, sorry! The film was good, I liked the intensity, the acting I think I liked pretty much everything except the ending I really wish the media didn't take mental health as another plot twist. I'm afraid people don't care enough, that's why I get annoyed. In all honesty I don't get annoyed often so I'm glad I have a reason to be passionate (other than Islam ofc) Wasalaam

Hello readers, today I share some of my infamous love poetry (Yeah right) through spoken word (although its more like me just reading it). I hope to post more videos of my poetry, short stories and general discussion of books and poetry!    

As I was sitting in class the other day, I was thinking how many of us think we are 'normal'? How many of us think those with mental health conditions are in some way not normal? You wouldn't be wrong, I mean by definition normal is c o n f o r m i n g , u s u a l , t y p i c a l , the most boring words I've ever heard in my life and I haven't been alive long (that's saying something). Normal is definitely not someone who has a mental health condition. They are not normal. In fact they don't even think normally! Their thoughts are so different to someone who's normal,   in fact they are wild ; different ; intelligent   now the reason i say this is because they see the world differently, their logic is different. Its insightful sometimes to listen to someone who sees and hears different things (I'm not trying to glamorise mental health in any way) I suppose I like learning from them like they learn from me.   the shared norms and value...

It's a sad time. A very sad time. The truth is I've been lying to you. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I don't even wanna say it but the reality is I'm not as despondent as I appear. I'm not even as weak as I make out to be. I underestimate myself so much I end up believing the lies. I'm sorry it came to this but the truth is I'm great. And the people I meet, yikes they're even greater, I've learnt so much from those around me, and it's time I start to make the most out of it. I could probably get through what I'm dealing with now a lot more easily if I didn't spoil myself so much. See the thing is, I think we all get like this. We all forget how good we have it. (Not every case) some of us (like me) have no reason to be confused or sad, but we are, because we are faking our weaknesses (in our minds) so we need to stop and start being awesome. (Hey Barney Stinson) Im so silly, anytime it's a little bit tough I say ...

How does one survive a 12hr shift you might ask? Well nurses do it everyday and they make it look easy (some do some don't) I'm compiling a list of how to get through the toughest days of my life. Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly I only find the mornings difficult but anyway, without further ado I present the toughest survival guide in history: 1) wear comfortable shoes. Don't try and look cute like me just wear the ugly shoes. 2) try out medical socks. I'm planning on buying these to see if they help. Other students swear by it, so we'll put it to the test! 3) be organised. Prepare outfit,lunch etc. the day before. 4)do things that you enjoy like reading, watching dramas etc. Be yourself I suppose. The reason I mention this is when we get all stressed out or under pressure we focus on that and forget the things we enjoy which does not help the situation! 5) talk to others in the same situation. Chat to them, cry about it and let it all out! 6) try and exer...

I've been thinking about the person I want to be, the person I'm not. The person I'll probably never be. And yes, I know my defeatist attitude isn't going to get me anywhere but neither is unrealistic ideas. The reality is until I become my confident and have higher self esteem I am going to be this way for a long time. I'm working on it, I suppose, it's one of those things where you accept yourself and work with what you have until slowly by slowly you get a little more of yourself, it slowly unravels and then sooner or later you are whole again. Why is it, that inorder to give up, move on or change direction in life you need some big great experience to make it justifiable to those around us? You don't have to have experienced something terrible like a death, you don't have to have worked yourself into the ground, you don't have to have lost who you are to want to leave. You can leave anytime you want, just make sure you do want to and you'...

As long as I have you, I think I'll be okay. I really mean that.       I found this study online thats looking for participants, and I was thinking why don't I partake? It seems quite interesting to be honest and you get paid in vouchers. Thats totally unrelated but anyway I think sometimes its easy to think, that when you're old, or 'older' you should automatically know what you are going to do, in fact I think it is the most scariest thing leaving everything you know, leaving all stability, and what do you know, I went and done that. I left stability because I think theres something better for me out there, somewhere, I hope. I certainly thought, maybe I still do, deep down that having a career, or a job is the next step of being an adult, its the token of being an adult, like youre finally moving down the yellow brick road to destiny. Then comes marriage and the baby in the carriage (yeah right!) but in all seriousness I think sometimes, we forget that the no...

So this decision I have come to, it scares the hell out of me. I am not going to pretend I am sure about the future, because I am not. I am terrified of what I am going to do next, I just know I cant stay where I am because the hours are too demanding, and quite frankly I miss a part of myself I think I left behind. I need to combine my love for helping others with my love for Deen, and perhaps the route I was taking made me neglectful of my faith. But even then, these words seem silly. I am just once again, at crossroads.

(This post was meant to be published in September 2016) I know I have not been writing I think I've been preoccupied with watching Daria. I was going to attempt to say I have lots of work but I haven't so I'm not even going to go there! Or if I do it doesn't feel like it! Anyway I have been the worst when it comes to looking decent in university. I wake up and I just wear anything sometimes I'll wear the same scarf like twice (which is no biggie except when you are wearing the exact same outfit every day, the scarf should atleast change right? Well appears not for me!) I don't know its not like I feel unhappy I don't dress up I kind of just think I should at least make minimal effort. I mean it's good in a way I can go without makeup and nice outfits. It's good to be on the other side sometimes, make myself feel a little bit more normal. I've been reading a lot more not really related to my outfit because I always have enough time to...